Next in my withering screeds of singles-obsession comes a fairly simple question: what song is the shortest single ever? Spiderbait put out a number of sub-two minute singles in the late nineties; the video for the Vines' "Highly Evolved" turned its ninety-second duration into a selling point by simply broadcasting a countdown to its own conclusion. The Pixies' "Allison" lasts seventy-seven seconds - but despite having a video, this never came out as a single.
Until further notice I am crowning "I'm a Strong Lion" by Robert Pollard the winner (66 seconds) but I am keen to be disproved wrong.
I believe that in the fifties a popular single in diner jukeboxes was called "Three Minutes Silence", consisting of precisely that and aimed at people who didn't want lousy kids playing their rockabilly nonsense while they were trying to have a decent Godfearing conversation for chrissakes.